"This patient may be predisposed towards sudden death."
That's what my cardiologist wrote on a note that is going to persuade my insurance company to pay for some genetic testing. Why? There's a genetic flaw we've found in our family. It's called long qt syndrom. We think my sister may have died from it. My brother's heart stopped beating last summer. Now he has a machine in his chest that can jump start his heart if it happens again. The long and short of it we're trying to find out if I have this rogue gene and if I do then my kids need to be tested. Sobering, isn't it.
Even if I have it how will that impact the way I live my life?
Maybe it's not the worst thing to live knowing you could die at any instant. Keeps you on your toes I bet.
We cling to life. We fight for last breaths. Even those of us who believe in heavenly reward know that whether we want to or not we're going to take a plunge into something that's well ...unknown.
In June, when I was in an emergency room dealing with a heart attack I dealt with that...this death thing. There was a sense of peace amidst the anxiety and fear. When push comes to shove I trust Christ at His word. He has a place all prepared for me. Even knowing that, I'm not naive enough to say that I won't deal with it again. I will. We all will.
It got me thinking yesterday when I read that phrase 'predisposed towards sudden death'. I love my doc. He shoots straight. I just don't want that 'sudden death' thing to define me. What I really want is for people to write something like this. "Mike is predisposed towards sudden living. Watch out. Get around Mike and you'll want to really live."
My guess is sometimes people sense that. Not always. Those who know me well know how preoccupied I can get. I'm not very life-giving in those situations.
Big question. Do I give off the vibe of 'life'as often as I'd like? Another big question. Do you?
I'm around people all the time and they give off all kinds of vibes ...paranoia, irriation, apathy, meanness. You know them. You are them occassionally.
When you are predisposed to sudden life I think you give off the vibe of thoughtfulness, caring, love, joy, mercy, care compassion, fun, spontaneity. You know people like that. You are them occassionally.
So join my new club. It's called Sudden Life ...it's for those of us who want to be known for breathing life back into a world that sometimes feels a bit suffocating.