Thursday, April 07, 2011

Budget Squabble to Impact Internet

Buried deep  in the bowels of the Department of Homeland Security the office of Internet Management and Wiring maintains all things ‘internet’.  Shortly after Al Gore invented the world wide web IMW was established.  It’s budget is substantial but because of the threatened shut down of the government the internet as we know it is in jeopardy of going down.

According to unnamed spokespeople decisions are being made that will impact how, when, and where information is delivered.  A secret task force is meeting this morning to determine whether Facebook or Google will be axed from receiving services.

Calls to the White House have not been returned but there is indication of ‘above normal’ activity in the West Wing.

A Republican senator admitted that ‘tough cuts’ are coming and people better get used to living without the internet.  The Senator, a Tea Party sympathizer,  said that internet access was not one of the original intents of the framers of the constitution.

President Obama’s campaign staff, it is rumored, has hunkered down in Chicago and are examining options for waging an alternative campaign, one without world wide web capability.  Word on the street has it that no one on the current staff has lived in a world without internet and thus there are discreet inquiries being made to campaign pros who have actually worked with pen and paper.

A spokesman for Apple said that they will have a surprise announcement next week about an IPad app which will allow their systems to operate without the internet. The app is called 'Big Imagination'.

Wall Street appears skeptical and there was no big run on Apple stock early in the trading day.

The author of  the popular blog ‘Geek Rumor, Romance and Technology’ said today that he has “seen the Apple app, and that it’s amazing but frequent users in test labs  developed a severe rash and lost 40 points off of testable IQ. That could end up being a huge downside and perhaps even scare away early adapters.”

Apple’s competitors say they have a similar app in test laboratories but will not be able to release what they have until they examine Apple’s product so they can tweak it with slight differences so that it looks like something original.

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