Yesterday I needed to go old school. I needed something more than my Blackberry and laptop. I needed to see as clearly as I could what the next four months of my life looked like in black and white. So I printed out a calendar with all my commitments and appointments listed for me to see. And I shuddered.
I am over committed. Open dates are few and far between already and I haven’t even added in preaching and teaching responsibilities. This does not look pretty.
OK. It’s to be expected I guess. After all I’m doing two part time jobs that pull for a full-time commitment. And I do have a pretty extensive web of relationships that need to be nurtured. But in all honesty I’m nervous. It’s one of those times (and there have been many throughout my life) that I wonder if I will come out of this season of life whole and healthy (cue violins please).
For sure, there are some calendaring errors on my part. That happens. But I’m kind of chuckling about this in the midst of my shuddering. How could I let this happen again?
Almost everything I’m committed to is something I like to do. Not everything. I said almost. I have far too many meetings scheduled. I don’t love meetings. However, it goes with the territory of the world called grown-up. It’s hard to get out of meetings too. I wish there was an easy way to blow them off but most of the easy ways lack integrity.
I love to speak. When I do I sense God’s pleasure. I’m not sure others do but I feel I’m in the right groove. I actually love to prepare talks and lessons. Finding the right word, the right story, the right tone, the right questions …hmmm it’s quite nice.
I love to be with people although I gain my strength from solitude. The classic introvert profile. So I wonder if I’ll fill in the calendar with enough time to retreat and regroup.
My calendar doesn’t include enough ‘waste’ time. I haven’t scheduled in my commitments to Lost, The Office, Flash Forward or March Madness. Some might suggest that I could do without my TV addiction. Don’t see it. Losing the insights and inspiration of Michael Scott might be more than I can bear.
Well, it’s not the end of the world. Some tough choices ahead. I could go with less sleep. Not a good idea though. Anita and I spend a lot of time talking maybe I could listen less. Another bad idea I think.
It’s times like these when I feel pressed by time and shaken by my inability to plan and calendar better that I need to give what I’m thinking and feeling to the Lord asking Him to help me make the best of what looks like tough sledding. He can and I believe He will. I also need to work through my calendar and see where I can cut, where I can ask for help, where I can consolidate and where I might need to bail.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm just whining. Kickin' myself a bit. I'll get through it. Always do. Lots of good stuff in my near future. Kingdom stuff. Nothing better than that.