Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Letter to God

Dear God:

There’s some things I need to talk to you about. Please sit down when you read this. I don’t want you to get ‘ticked’ and do one of those plague kind of things. I hate to say it but as a casual observer, God, that was pretty brutal. Just an opinion. But it didn't sit well in certain circles.

First, the Bible is getting to me. I'm not liking what it has to say. I’m sure it’s not the first time you’ve heard that said but this serious. I'm frazzled, running crazy, trying to make big decisions and every time I pick up the Bible I'm reading something that urges me to think, pray, and do something that I don't want to do. To be honest, God, it gets discouraging. I've got my life mapped out and it feels like you're trying to change my direction. Not sure if that would be a good decision for me at this stage of my life.

Let me give you an example of some disturbing Bible stuff. I'm reading about the 'sheep and the goats' in Matthew 25. What's that doing in there? Come on, God, I thought I was in. I prayed that prayer awhile back. And now, I'm reading this 'judgment' thing and I'm thinking that you're actually expecting more from me. Come on. It's not fair. It has a bait and switch feel to it. Kind of ugly.

And another thing, Lord, it's not just me who’s thinking about these kind of things. I’m not alone. We talk. We're all for the 'come to me if you're burdened' verses. We also like anything that tells us we're 'blessed'. Anything else isn't working for us. And you do want this to work for us, don't you?

Here's something else. I have a group of friends who aren't liking all the stuff about justice, and creation, and the poor and suffering. It sounds pretty leftist if you know what I mean. They're pretty sure you don't mean all this stuff about freeing prisoners and actually being kind to people who won't get off their backsides and work for a living. Next edition you've got to fix it. Just consider it. You're alienating some pretty influential people. Seriously, when you talk about freedom and jubilee and lack of oppression and stuff like that you weren't talking about that in real terms were you? If you're talking about real stuff things would really have to change here and there and everywhere. That would be asking a lot. It's just not playing well in the heartland if you know what I mean. You don't want to lose your base.

On the other hand, there’s another group of my friends who aren't happy about all the stern language. It seems harsh. Not very inclusive. It sounds like you're too serious all the time. They’d like you to lighten up. Make suggestions. Give options. If you could just tone down the language a bit and show everyone a little more love I think you’d get more followers. It’s just a hunch. But I know people like it when show the ‘love’. On the other hand, anything that implies 'should' or 'got to' is hard to swallow. Again, that's just some information I thought you'd like to have. It's another group that might walk if you're not careful.

Here's something else that needs fixing. When people in Africa or South America read the Bible they seem to get something different out of it than those of us here in the West. We know you wrote it for us in the West and that those in developing countries are probably just going to be disappointed if they take it too literally. I mean it goes back to those freedom, justice and oppression issues. They really think you mean it. We know you were speaking metaphorically. So, maybe if you could help the people down there and over there see things the way you really intended then maybe there wouldn't be such a gap between them and us. What do you think?

Consider this, huh? It might be hard to swallow but some of the Jesus stuff is bothersome. Don't get me wrong. Thanks for sending him. Good role model. But when Jesus says things like "I am" and "No one comes to the Father except through me." Whew! Hard to digest. It makes it difficult to stand up and be counted when you allow Jesus to make statements with not much wiggle room.

Maybe that's it. Wiggle room. We need more of it. I believe in you, God. I mean, you can do anything. So, work on it. Edition 2 will be much better if you think about some of these things.

Let me know what you think. Rooting for you to do the right thing.


Anonymous Fan

1 comment:

Bob Carter said...

Dear Anonymous Fan,

Your letter to God was handed to me at a recent conference on the Age Of Man by a fellow attendee. He is Chairman Of The Board at Kingdom Of God and we upper echelon power brokers interact occasionally. He felt that your concerns could more aptly be answered by my organization.

I apologize for taking so long to answer, but we have been very busy transferring our Corporate Headquarters from Wall Street to Hollywood. Greed is pretty much played out at the moment and Hollywood is a better location for our new 100 Year Plan, focusing on "Secularism". We find we can change our focus because the Post Modern Demographics are very promising for this new market.

Our Illegal Drugs initiative is pretty much on "cruise control" and warfare between religions,classes, races, etc. tend to be self sustaining as always. Vice, of course, is always with us. It is kind of built in so to speak.

First let me allay your fears about plagues. As a marketing tool they are pretty much passe', particularly in western nations. We still find them effective in the third world, and will for some time I expect. The Western World is pretty much oblivious to the challenges we have placed there, largely thanks to a great Public Relations campaign by our media.

Now, as to the thrust of your complaint, wiggle room.

Wiggle Room is our most important product!

In this age, there is much of it to go around. Plenty for everyone. Haven't you heard what most of the Western institutes of high learning are vigorously teaching; there is no black and white. The new gospel is that all moral issues are varying shades of gray! Get with it Man, the new mantras are; "whatever gets you through the night"! "If it feels good, do it"! Love (sex in today's vernacular) is where you find it. (take a scientific pole among 13 year old children)

As you can tell from these quotes, the seeds of this campaign were sown in the '60's and have bourn fruit beyond my wildest expectations.

Now as to your complaints about the man called Jesus, it is now apparent to most modern men that what he was promoting were mere "Rules". Nouns not verbs. How can rules promulgated 2,000 years ago possible still be valid? Mankind has progressed from from the baby step of eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden, and is now able to discern right from wrong for himself. Man is now competent to choose his own path to self-fulfillment without all those primitive rules.

Those stodgy old church people need to wake up to being masters of their own fate. Jesus just isn't relevant any longer.

I hope and trust these comments will answer the complaint that lies between the lines of your letter. If it does not, please don't hesitate to contact our Customer Service Department at 1-800-666-HELL.

Sincerely yours always,
Dev Beelzebub
Chairman Of The Board, Sheol, Inc.

PS: The second edition you inquired about has been available for some time. Please note the publications rack at your supermarket check out.