Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Tomorrow, I get a defibrillator. Funny how something like this impacts you. I’m really OK but a little nervous. On a scale of 1-10 this is isn’t even close to being at the top of the scale. But it’s not a 1.

It’s a signal about mortality. There is an end. Intellectually, we all know that life on this earth stops. But there are moments in life when you draw a deep breath and you begin to grasp it. This is one of those moments.

Tomorrow I get wired. Thursday I’m home. Life will go on. But it will be different. You won’t notice. Nobody will. But I’ve got a hunch that this ‘procedure’ is going to get my attention. And it’s good.

We all need wake-up calls, those times when life stops long enough for God to speak into our lives. Some people get those calls but fail to listen. They stop. But don’t hear. Their ears aren’t tuned to the whispers of God. I want to listen, to really hear.

I think I’ve got a lot of living left to do. God’s giving me this ‘fix’ for that rogue gene in my body for a purpose. I feel it in the depth of my being. Now, what is that purpose?

Generally, I know I exist to know, love and serve God. That’s basic catechism. In and through fulfilling this basic purpose I wonder what divine assignment God has for me next? That’s the intriguing question.

What is it? Is there something my unique blend of gifts and talents could be used for above and beyond how God has used them already? That’s exciting and a bit terrifying to ponder. But it goes beyond excitement and terror. It’s actually quite energizing to think about the possibilities of being used by God in a way that suggests a rather interesting, albeit unpredictable future.

So, tomorrow is a wake-up call beckoning me to ‘life’. As always, I have a choice.

Stay tuned.

1 comment:

stephansen said...

Your wiring is in place. My wiring is in place. God has wired us, albeit uniquely.

Months ago, you know I too have had a brief experience where it was all too clear that I could be living my last hours on earth. Please God, NO !!!! He spoke. I've put effort, sometimes lackluster, into living more for Him, willing to be used by Him and trying to discern what He's calling me to. But how quickly the batteries in my faith defibrillator sometimes run down. What will my next jolt feel like?

Thanks for asking the harder questions when we talk. Thanks for your transparency, in good and bad times. You help me keep going on with the tougher questions of my walk. Knowing God's plan for my personal tool box is a question I flit from deeply desiring to understand to avoiding like the Saturday bath because I'm comfortable how I am.

Thanks for giving me another shot of courage to continue the dialog with Him.
Bob Stephansen